


starting on the middle ground

by Bloodsbane



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Asexual Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Discussions of sexuality, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Trans Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Trans Martin Blackwood, ace flavor: sex averse, specifically: grey ace martin blackwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:12:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26310157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodsbane/pseuds/Bloodsbane
Summary: It’s a full month into their relationship when Jon realizes he and Martin haven’t had The Talk yet.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 18
Kudos: 301





	starting on the middle ground

**Author's Note:**

> okay so. i wanna state up front that the tags on this are based mostly on blind readings i've gotten from those who beta'd this fic (special thanks to isy and katt!) , and the idea that anyone interested in ace Martin content might wanna find/read something like this. he was not written specifically to be either ace/allo, nor is it suggested or stated explicitly in the story. however, that was sort of the point, so if you feel one way or the other, i'm genuinely extremely interested in hearing what your take is! 
> 
> cws in end-notes! don't think there's anything serious, but just in case

It’s a full month into their relationship when Jon realizes he and Martin haven’t had The Talk yet. 

Jon is used to The Talk, has come to expect it. He had The Talk with Georgie about a week after they started dating. She’d been curious in the best sort of way, and overall it went relatively smoothly. Less amicable Talks were had in the years after Jon graduated, mostly before he’d started working at the Institute, and those attempts at connection proved short-lived. 

It was sometimes troublesome, but a necessity. Really, Jon would appreciate A Talk with anyone he was interested in sustaining a long-term romantic relationship with, no matter the sexuality of those involved. It just so happened to be that, most of the time, he was the one with very firm boundaries that needed to be spelled out. 

So, The Talk was to be expected. He’d been ready for it to come up, at some point, after he and Martin became a couple and started spending more time together. 

Because it wasn’t like they weren’t close or didn’t touch. Georgie had once called Jon a ‘cuddle bug’, which was a nickname he sort of despised, but it wasn’t entirely inaccurate. If he knew he was allowed to, Jon always preferred to be close with those he cared about. His favorite spot to be was right next to Martin on the couch, both arms woven around his boyfriend’s, resting his chin or cheek against Martin’s shoulder. 

They also kissed a lot, usually softly, sweetly, but not all the time. There have been occasions which found them both in a tangle on the bed, usually right before they were off to sleep. It was always so nice and warm and pleasant, but Jon knew from experience that times like that, especially at night, especially on the bed, were prime Talk times. 

And yet. Always, every time, before things got ‘too far’, before Jon even felt the need to slow it down or pull away so he could interject, Martin would nestle into his neck and sigh and mumble about being sleepy. He’d say that he loved Jon a lot in that dreamy, tired voice, and Jon would only be able to wrap himself around Martin in equal measure, holding him as they slowly settled down and faded off to sleep. 

Usually, The Talk happened naturally. Jon preferred it that way, would’ve felt awkward bringing it up apropos of nothing, and he was always at least somewhat anxious over how it would go. It was a necessity, but purely that -- so, he would bring it up when necessary. 

It hasn’t been necessary with Martin.

And the thing is, Jon’s not sure how he feels about it. He should probably be glad. No awkward halts in conversation, no reluctant mood-killing, no need to explain something he’s had to repeat almost word-for-word since he started dating. No invasive follow-up questions, no weird looks, no attempts at convincing him otherwise or poking around for loopholes. Really, Jon should be ecstatic. 

But, no, mostly now he’s curious, and a bit paranoid. It’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop. For example: what if Martin already knows? There had been an instance one day at work, Jon approaching the breakroom, when he overheard two voices. It had been Melanie -- Georgie’s new girlfriend -- and Basira, chatting over coffee. Melanie mentioned that Georgie mentioned- well. And Jon’s preferences weren’t exactly a _secret_ , per say, nor had he told Georgie explicitly that information had to should stay private. Still, it was a bother, and he’d made sure to shoot his friend a scolding text later that day; it wasn’t exactly something he wanted office gossip revolving around. 

So, if Melanie told Basira, and they both knew, and they both worked with him, as did Martin… It wasn’t such a long stretch to think that Martin might have heard. God, Jon really hoped not. Melanie’s words could be seen as ambiguous -- _doesn’t, at all_ \-- but they weren’t inaccurate. Jon’s ideal situation was just that: not at all, ever. 

Which is something Martin deserved to know, of course (if he didn’t already.) And Jon was willing to tell him. Martin just… hasn’t asked, yet. Why hasn’t he asked? 

For nearly two weeks, the worries buzz around in Jon’s head. He waits. Maybe, if it’s bothering him, it’s bothering Martin too? Surely Martin will reach that point where he pushes just a bit more than usual, maybe put his hand a bit further up Jon’s front, or tentatively slip his fingers past the waistband of Jon’s trousers. Maybe the kissing will finally cross that invisible line, where Jon can practically taste the intent against his tongue. 

Because he knows Martin gets… frustrated. He’s seen the way Martin sometimes squirms, how flustered he can get. Now and then, in the mornings especially, he’ll wake up red in the face and try to slip out of bed when he thinks Jon isn’t awake, tucking himself away into the bathroom for an unusually early shower. 

The thought of Martin touching himself over Jon might have been flattering, if it wasn’t so stressful. Martin clearly wants to have sex. He gets aroused, he wants release. So why hasn’t he asked Jon for anything? Isn’t that what people are supposed to do, when they’re dating? It doesn’t make any sense!

The decision to have The Talk comes to Jon one evening, for no particular reason. Martin is just standing in the kitchen slicing up some fruit. They’re all set to watch a movie, something animated from Martin’s childhood that he hopes Jon will appreciate. They almost never talk about the things they did or liked as children, Martin especially. Jon knows enough to understand that this is sort of a big deal; the inherent vulnerability, the quiet demonstration of comfort and affection in Martin’s desire to share something like this with Jon. It’s practically more than he can bear. 

It takes real, consistent effort for Jon to push the thoughts away. He’s not about to let his ambient worries set off Martin’s frighteningly sensitive intuition that something is wrong. Jon refuses, absolutely, to let himself be distracted from what is happening tonight. So he, instead, moves into the kitchen to help with their food. 

The movie is good -- unexpectedly dark, Jon thinks, for a children’s movie, but more in the aesthetic than the themes. Overall the plot is relatively basic, but the way Martin goes on about some of the characters is horribly endearing, and by the end Jon could call himself charmed by the whole thing. They spend the rest of the night talking about it -- Martin knows a surprising amount of information concerning the production of the film. 

When they tuck in for the night, Jon can’t help kissing Martin, can’t help wrapping himself up in this man he’s come to love. And he resolves to have The Talk, because he doesn’t want anything to ruin this, least of all himself. 

* * *

“Martin, can I ask you something?”

“Mmhm?” 

Jon bites his lip. He’s still in bed, legs beneath the covers, watching as Martin adjusts the hem of his binder. Before he can muster up the words, Martin glances over his shoulder to ask, “Can you get the back?” 

“Oh, of course.” Jon shuffles over slightly until he can reach Martin’s back. Martin’s skin is still slightly damp from his shower, making the fabric fussy. Jon slides his fingers beneath the rolled-up hem of the binder and straightens it out. “There you are.” 

“Thanks! Sorry for interrupting -- what was your question?”

“Well. I was just wondering, um. You know… You know when the two of us are, uh, kissing?” 

Martin had been reaching into the closet for a shirt, but he immediately turns back to look at Jon. His expression tilts just ever so, something more serious than the ease of a quiet morning. “Yes…?”

“I mean, when it gets a bit more… intense, than just kissing. When we’re… in bed, or something, together like that. I just wanted to know, um, why- Are you… Do you think might be interested in taking that further, at some point?” 

Uhg, he’s stuttering too much. But Jon can’t help it, unsure of the best way to word his question. He’s never been on this side of the conversation before. At least now it’s finally out, presented to Martin in a way that makes The Talk truly inevitable. 

Martin gives him a scrutinizing look. “I mean… sure? Just- just to make sure, you’re talking about us having sex, right?”

Jon tugs on his hair, which needs a good brushing; he hadn’t bothered to put it up last night. “Yes.” 

“Sure! I mean, if you want to,” Martin says with a smile and a laugh. It’s odd, though, a bit like a sigh. Jon must be making some sort of odd expression, because Martin instantly slides back to looking concerned. “ _...Is_ that something you want to do?” 

“I. Uh. Not, uh, not particularly,” Jon admits, keeping his voice level and firm. There, now he’s said it for himself. 

Martin just nods, but his expression remains thoughtful. Instead of finishing his quest for a shirt, he walks back over to his side of the bed, sitting down and turning to Jon. “If you’re not interested in sex -- which is fine, obviously, just to be clear -- then why did you ask?” 

“I… I’m just used to it,” Jon says. “Talking about it. Well, actually, I’m used to being asked. It always comes up eventually: we start dating, we start kissing, they start wanting more, and I have to explain that I’m not interested in sex.” 

“Oh.”

“But you weren’t really doing that. So I… well, frankly I’m curious?” 

Martin blushes. He chuckles, and he sounds a bit nervous. “I just… I dunno… It’s kind of, uh, complicated? The short answer is I’m fine not really doing anything. Especially now that you’ve explained your preferences, too.”

“But you are interested,” Jon protests. “Or you were. Um. I mean, I’ve noticed. What with the showers and such, you know.” 

“Hah, sorry,” Martin laughs, his face a pretty pink. “Not subtle, am I?”

“I might just be oversensitive to the sexual frustration of others,” Jon offers. “Especially if I suspect I’m the cause. Tends to make me… antsy.” 

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, really. I just didn’t understand why, if you were getting excited, you didn’t try to do anything?”

“Um… well, I guess it’s mostly ‘cause I wasn’t super interested in actually doing anything about it? I mean other than the, uh, the obvious thing.”

“But _why?”_

Martin giggles, and Jon rolls his eyes, mostly at himself. After a moment, Martin shifts, moving to sit a bit further down so that when he lays back, he can rest his head on Jon’s covered lap. Jon gladly accepts him, admiring the view of Martin’s form laid out across the bed. His hair is a little dark from his shower, still, curling prettily. With only his binder on, the soft expanse of his stomach is exposed. It’s too far to reach in this position, so Jon settles with bending down to deliver a kiss to Martin’s cheek. “Don’t laugh at me,” he grumbles, hair falling like a curtain to dim the glow of morning. 

Martin smiles up at him, looking apologetic. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just cute, how much you really want to understand.” 

“Not cute.” 

“Very cute. But I’m not sure… Like I said, I’m not sure. It’s sort of hard to put into words? Complicated.” 

“I’m listening,” Jon tells him. “Obviously.” He kisses Martin’s mouth this time, a chaste but lingering touch of lips. 

Martin sighs as Jon pulls away to sit up straight. His eyes remain closed for a moment, even as he begins to speak. “I guess the plain answer is… I’ve had sex before, and mostly liked it well enough, I guess. But sometimes I just… I don’t know. It’s just… a lot, you know? Sometimes I think I like the idea of sex more than doing it, actually.”

“Mm?”

“Like, fantasies. I have plenty of them,” Martin admits with a shy smile and shrug. “Making up scenarios is fun. Thinking about how it would feel is nice. And, um, obviously I do get swept up in the idea, sometimes, enough to need to take care of myself. And I like that, too, I think it can be a bit of a hassle sometimes, but mostly it’s fun. It’s only when I’m with someone else, trying to do it… That’s when so much of the appeal that seemed obvious before just sort of evaporates?

“Sorry, it’s hard to explain. Half the time when I’ve been with other people, I’ve found I’m more comfortable just… being with them, and touching, but I like it better when the focus isn’t on me. I’ll take care of them, help them along, and I get plenty out of that! But as soon as they want to return the favor, it’s like I just… suddenly can’t! It’s really frustrating, honestly. I can’t- uh. Sorry, how detailed do you mind me getting?”

“I don’t mind specifics.”

“I was just going to say that it’s sometimes impossible for me to get wet during sex. I have no idea why, either, because it’s not like I don’t get aroused when I’m messing around with someone? Obviously even when it’s just been us kissing for a while, it, um, it works for me. It’s nice. But the idea of really doing anything with it, uh, it’s just… it’s too much to think about, I guess.”

“Hm. I think I can understand that,” Jon says. “For me, I don’t really get excited or aroused much in the first place. There’s been the rare offhand occasion, but that’s very much an exception to the rule. Even then, I’m not interested in anyone but myself resolving the issue.” 

“Do you feel comfortable doing stuff for other people?” Martin asked, purely curious.

“Sometimes, but not much. Most I’ve done really is use my fingers.” After a thought, Jon admits, “I’ve watched, a couple times.”

“Watched?”

“Watched my partner masturbate.” 

“Oh,” Martin giggles, blushing again. “That’s, uh. Hm!” 

Jon leans over again, just a bit, enough to loom. “Interested?”

“Gosh, I don’t know! Go away.” Martin wiggles, just enough to push his head closer to Jon’s stomach, despite his words and protests. “Hmm. That’s sort of funny, then. Looks like we’re both service tops.” 

Jon barks a laugh, surprising both of them -- Martin actually jumps. “Sorry, just- the very idea.” 

“It’s like the ‘and they were both bottoms’’ thing, but the opposite problem.” 

“So if I wanted you to, you wouldn’t mind doing things for me,” Jon asks, “but you wouldn't want me to help you in return?” 

“I mean… maybe? Like I said, it’s complicated.” He closes his eyes again to think for a moment. Jon waits, gently playing with his hair. “Maybe… maybe your fingers would be fine. But I’d have to be really aroused already, or we’d need lube or something. And even then… It would just feel a bit awkward, I think? We’d really just be lying there while you finger me, and you wouldn’t be getting much out of it, would you?”

“If you were enjoying yourself, I would be enjoying myself,” Jon tells him, and is mostly sure he’s telling the truth. 

“Hm.” 

“There’s no need to try fitting a puzzle piece where it doesn’t belong,” Jon says. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“Mm, yeah, true.” Martin gives a long exhale, then smiles. “That’s kind of nice.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like what we’ve been doing. Including all the times I’ve had to slip away to blow off steam by myself. Like I said, it’s fun, and it feels good, and it’s easier to just take care of it on my own.” 

“So you don’t mind that I can’t reciprocate?” 

“You do, in all the other ways that matter,” Martin tells him, smiling. He tilts his chin up a bit, a silent request, and Jon kisses him without having to be asked twice. 

**Author's Note:**

> cws: 
> 
> > jon being anxious over having to explain his asexuality, both in past and present relationships  
> > recalling a scene where jon hears melanie gossiping about his sexuality at work, somewhat similar to canon (a text is sent to georgie confronting her on this, but isn't resolved in the fic - don't worry, she apologizes!)  
> >brief discussions of sex, mostly-vague, including martin talking about getting wet, or theoretically getting fingered by jon  
> > theyre like, really gay :/ like big gay boys


End file.
